


The reflection of you

by Arwen88



Category: Band of Brothers
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 15:58:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20838185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arwen88/pseuds/Arwen88
Summary: He had to wonder when he became as pale and serious as the reflection was. A little bitter part of him said that he was nothing more than a good for nothing, someone that had no business in looking so old at barely thirty.





	The reflection of you

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to ThrillingDetectiveTales for betareading this <3<3<3
> 
> Happy birthday, Nix!

Lewis stilled and squinted at his bottle: there was something strange in the reflection looking back at him from the dark glass.

He had to wonder when he became as pale and serious as the reflection was. A little bitter part of him said that he was nothing more than a good for nothing, someone that had no business in looking so old at barely thirty.

It took him an entirely too long time to finally make out that the reflection actually looked nothing like him. He tilted the bottle more, confused, and looked at the imposing but somehow still soft figure, a smile on thin lips and red hair.

It was a face he knew.

As soon as the thought surfaced in his mind he choked, gasping for air. For the shortest moment he had felt close enough that he could just catch the memory of who the one looking at him was. He knew the man, knew his name, but as soon as he tried to call his name, it disappeared from his mind.

He knew the name was important, the person looking back at him from the glass of his bottle was important.

It was someone he cared about, someone he had sworn to himself he would never forget.

But the whiskey had such a sweet smell and Lewis took a swig, trying to quiet his thoughts, and another one. The burn of it made him forget all about that memory of the man he couldn't grasp for a moment, all about the memories of the war, and he kept drinking after the last of it had sloshed back once more.

***

Lewis woke up feeling terrible.

He stood up on wobbly knees and didn’t even glance at his clock, automatically reaching out for his uniform only to find it nowhere near his bed. He stumbled towards the closet, kicking empty bottles aside on his way there, but as soon as he opened the closet he couldn't help but frown at the sight of his uniform stored inside, pressed and looking like he had not worn it in years.

He slowly turned around and looked at the room he was in for the first time since waking up, a dread settling in at finally noticing it was not the room in Austria where he thought he had fallen asleep the previous night. If that had been the previous night.

He was home, his old bedroom fixed up for him, showing more about his alcohol consumption than any other detail of the man now inhabiting it.

When did the war end, he wondered, unable to remember.

But with the thought of Austria a memory started resurfacing and Lewis felt a wave of nausea hit him, the room spinning around him.

Dick was gone, he wasn't going to see the man anymore.

Lewis didn't even notice the moment he grabbed at the closet door to avoid crumpling to the ground, his head split by a terrible headache as the name echoed in his mind.

Dick.

He knew the name, knew somebody by that name.

Instinctively Lewis brought one hand to his face, traced a light scar on his forehead with the tips of his fingers.

There had been a burning feeling a long time ago, a voice calling desperately his name, and he had known somebody had to care for him if they were to call him as if they couldn't bear to think he was hit.

He felt a lump in his throat and a pressure build behind his eyes at thinking that somebody had cared about him so much and he couldn't remember who that was.

Suddenly he had a suspicion about the reflection he had seen the previous night in the bottle and he grabbed the nearest one.

He was going crazy, that much was clear, but the man was still there in the reflection of the bottle, looking at Lewis from above Lewis’ shoulder, so close he should have felt the man against his back. But he was alone in the room, miles and miles away from the last place the two of them had seen each other.

He inhaled brusquely, another wave of nausea hitting him as he understood he had finally broken down and was now seeing things. He couldn't let that happen, couldn't show how weak he was. Even if he had never been truly strong, had just pretended and faked it until everybody else had been convinced he was a good soldier, until Dick himself had said he was the best out there.

He doubled over, ready to heave the contents of his stomach at feeling deep in his bones what a failure he was. How could he have forgotten something as important as who Dick was?

It was important, it was all that had kept him sane in those terrible years, and he really had gone home and forgotten all about the man?

He heard the sound of the bottle roll away from him on the floor as he blacked out, his world crumbling around him.

***

The world came back to him slowly, Lewis knowing he had been woken up by something and still opposed to opening his eyes, his heart hammering in his chest at the cold dread of having lost something so important.

"Nix, we should go."

Lewis stopped breathing for the shortest moment at hearing that voice and being able to recognize exactly who had spoken. He opened his eyes and made a noise at seeing Dick look back at him, nonchalantly leaning against the wall of Lewis' billet in England.

He sat up right away, staring at Dick who was looking back at him with an indulgent smile even as he shook his head.

"When did you go to sleep?"

Lewis couldn't think of an answer, his brain still stuck on the fact that he could see Dick right in front of him, like a ghost from his past, still looking at him with so much affection even though Lewis had always been a coward and never told him how much he loved him.

But he now knew what a life without the man would do to him.

He knew the utter despair of letting the man get away from him and how he was surely going to drop once more into the alcohol's embrace if he was to let things get to that point.

Just a wasted, sad life.

Before he could think twice about it he grabbed Dick's wrist and tugged at it hard enough to catch his friend by surprise and have him stumble towards the bed.

Surprise flashed on Dick's face when he found himself more or less sprawled over Lewis, one knee pressed between Lewis' legs and the other against his outer thigh under the sheets, his boots still carefully not on the bed.

Dick tried balancing himself on the mattress even as he looked down at Lewis now lying on his back under him.

Their faces were mere inches apart and it didn't take much for Lewis to be able to lean in and press their lips together like he had dreamed of doing for years, like he should have done so many times before and he hoped to do again in the future.

He heard and felt the moment Dick stopped breathing, clearly shocked, but then Lewis leaned back and their eyes met.

"Nix, what is this?" Dick whispered, a little frown pulling at his brows.

Lewis simply squeezed the wrist he was still holding and moved his other hand until he was cupping the nape of Dick's neck. "I don't want to waste my life, and it would be so empty without you, Dick..."

The frown disappeared from Dick's face for a moment, replaced by a look of surprise as his cheeks flushed softly, but just as a smile started tugging at his lips Lewis simply had to lean back and kiss him again. He froze when Dick moved away with a displeased noise, and suddenly Lewis was not sure anymore if he had mistaken all the signals that his friend might return his feelings.

"Dick?" he called softly, his heart aching at the mere thought that Dick would just tell him they were friends and nothing more.

Dick sighed, looking unsure for a moment, but then he shook his head looking like he regretted already what he was going to say.

"Lew, please, brush your teeth."

Lewis simply stared at the man above him for a few seconds before he burst out laughing as a wave of relief washed over him. "Dick, is that your only problem with this?" He beamed brightly at the man he loved, slightly shocked to find out that that was the only thing Dick would protest about after being finally kissed by his best friend.

Dick snorted softly, but he smiled once more, leaning in to press a little kiss on the corner of Lewis' mouth. "Honestly? A shower wouldn't hurt." He chuckled, looking at Lewis with a happy glint in his eyes.

Lewis couldn't help but smile at the man, more happy than he had ever been in his life, and so, so in love.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, in this fic Lewis started sobering up and was actually better by the time they were ready to go back to the USA.


End file.
